Seasons are a part and order of life – as much as we struggle to accept some seasons, they are inevitable. I have been in a season of candid conversations with my Creator. I have realized that God is my Creator and because of that He holds patent rights over me – a fact that makes me feel secure. I have realized that handing over the reins of my life to God at first feels a little scary; but then again, any control I have had over my life is imaginary – because I know that I am not in control even on my best days.
Now I have to give a word of caution to all readers – when I got ready to have candid conversations, I did not expect to have my toes stepped on. But that is the nature of discussions with our Father. He will probe into the inner most corners of our heart and expose the lies (even the “white” ones), the fears (the darkest, deepest ones) and things we never knew we had lurking around. When He is done with the cleansing and healing part, we will come out as pure gold. Does it hurt to be vulnerable and honest? You bet! Does it help you? Absolutely!
So, here I am documenting my candid conversations in part. Sitting alone in a corner with my Bible, I welcomed His holy Spirit to speak to me. In the quietness of my heart, I heard Him ask, “why do you strive so hard to please people?” I almost involuntarily jerked – I knew I tended to please people but never thought it was something that God wanted to bring attention to. In the conversation that followed, I told the Lord how I was raised to be a pleasant person, to not talk back to elders, to be obedient and polite. I wanted to blame all that I was on all that happened in the past making it sound like I was a victim and had no power over my decisions. But if that was true, now that I am an adult and could make my own decisions, why was I not making the right ones? Why did I say, “Yes” when I knew I should say, “No” or vice versa? Why did I work so hard – to be better than everyone and then complain when others did their job and I felt like I was not “applauded”? I realized that the little girl who was eager to please, trained to put on the best behavior and put up with a lot of unwanted things was still alive and well and manifesting in various situations. Fear, timidity, shame, intimidation is at the root of pleasing people and they manifest in various forms. Constantly performing to please people so they will like us, love us, keep us in the “in-group” becomes a never-ending trap. Proverbs 29: 25 puts it this way: “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” The Passion Translation puts it this way, “Fear and intimidation is a trap that holds you back. But when you place your confidence in the Lord, you will be seated in the high place.” When I try to please people, I am making them gods and idols and God detests idolatry. We were made to please and fear only One – the Creator of Heaven and Earth, all that is seen and unseen. When I focus on Him, I can run my life victoriously. I repent of my “people-pleasing” skills and now surrender to His authority and guidance. This does not mean I get it right all the time – it just means that I am His handiwork and He guides me and I recognize when I am wrong and go to Him so He can forgive me.